The Tanning Salon
by TureniAraucasere
Summary: RK,YYH,LoZ,IY crossoverWhat happens when Kenshin, Yoko, Link, and InuYasha get a job at a tanning salon without telling their girls? Random funny stuff, that's what! T for some swearing and suggestive humor.
1. Why Link Always Wears A Hat

**Hello! TureníAraucaserë here with my first story, The Tanning Salon! I put it under Rurouni Kenshin, even though it's a crossover, because, well, I rather like Kenshin better. XD.I sure hope I'm doing all of this right...Well, here's a short story my friends and I wrote to pass the time during school. So, the chapters will be pretty short compared to some others that I've read, sorry! Swearing and slight suggestive humor's all. I hope you enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Rurouni Kenshin, The Legend of Zelda, Yu Yu Hakusho, Inu-Yasha, or anything else alluded to in this work of randomness. I only wish I were that lucky.**

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_Chapter 1: Why Link Always Wears A Hat_

This story begins the same way every summer day does, with boredom. Kenshin, Link, and Yoko had moved from the amazing sport of grass-growing races to the refined art of paint-drying races, and, having mastered that, had set out on the daunting task of recording how many dots are on the ceiling in each of their houses. We join the three lying on the floor of Kenshin's house, where they have chosen to start their conquest.

Link stared intently at the ceiling pointing with his finger at the minuscule dots. "Two, seven, four,...uh, Yoko? What comes next?"

The fox demon's face contorted in anger. "Link, you imbecile! Your inability to count has caused me to lose my place! Now I must start from the beginning! 1, 2, 4, 5, 7."

Link shouted, "Ha! All those big words and you can't count either!" He jumped up in glee, then ran around the room, chanting, "Yoko can't count, Yoko can't count, Yoko can't cou-Oof!" He looked down in anger at the offending item, then paled when he saw Yoko's fluffy white tail, now with stuff from Link's boots on it

Yoko slowly turned toward Link, growling. "I just finished cleaning my tail for THREE HOURS after you got mud all over it! You're going to pay!" He snarled and began to chase the green-clad Hylian around the room.

Kenshin, oblivious to the world around him, sighed and said wistfully, "I wonder what Kaoru and I are going to name our kid."

The pair running around froze in mid-step, then asked, "KID!"

Kenshin sat up in surprise. "Whoops! Did I say that out loud?"

Yoko saw his chance, and while Link was still distracted by the idea of the swordsman being a father, he ripped Link's green hat off of its permanent place on his head. Kenshin and Yoko gasped in shock, then stuttered, "You-you-Holy crap! You're bald!"

Link snatched his hat back, "Gimme that!" and muttered, "Stupid fox, grabbing my hat while I'm not looking..." while shoving it firmly back into place. "Ah, hell." Kenshin and Yoko followed his gaze to where Inu-Yasha stood leaning against the doorframe, smirking, then burst out laughing.

Inu-Yasha walked into the room shaking his head. "I always wondered why you had that hat. Anyway, I'm sure you're all wondering why I'm here."

"Not really, I was wondering why you haven't left yet," Link muttered under his breath.A well placed kick from the half-demon sent him flying out the door.

Completely unfazed, Inu-Yasha resumed, "While you're all so quiet, I'll tell you the good news. Since you guys are always so bored, I got you all jobs at the tanning salon I work at!"

Link dashed back in the door to join Kenshin and Yoko in exchanging looks of horror while yelling, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

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**Looks like their bubble of boredom has been burst. realized that it all started with the same letter Aah! Alliteration! realized that I knew what that meant Aah! English class! The pain! gasp, gasp Well, now that my episode of terror is over...I hope you enjoyed it, please review if you want more!**


	2. Working Incentives

**Heya! I decided to post the next chapter even though nobody reviewed, cause, well, I wanted to. So there. You can't stop me! maniacal laughter Well, this is probably going to be 4 chapters, and here's number 2!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Rurouni Kenshin, Yu Yu Hakusho, The Legend of Zelda, or Inu-Yasha.

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Chapter 2:_ Working Incentives_**

"You're all going to work at the tanning salon I work at today!" 

"NOOOOOOOOOO! We never got to finish counting the dots on the ceiling!" Kenshin, Yoko, and Link lamented.

"Plus, I have a girlfriend, Koto," Yoko added. "I don't know if she'll be happy that I'm working with tons of girls. Kenshin too."

"Yeah, uh, I have a wife," Kenshin nervously shifted between his feet, "and, well..."

"He's gonna have a kid! He's gonna have a kid!" Link and Yoko chanted.

"Well, all I can say is that you'd better hope they don't find you there. Why would they go there anyway? They're already as beautiful as possible," Inu-Yasha added sarcastically. "Now let's go, we're gonna be late. Hey Link, go get the car."

He ran out to get it while the three walked out front. "I got the car! Meet you there!" Link yelled back while driving away.

"I meant back it out so we could get in you dumb ass!" Inu-Yasha shouted after him. "Boy he's an idiot."

"You're telling us," said Kenshin and Yoko while shaking their heads.

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3 hours later, they finally arrived at the tanning salon. "Oh yeah, time to get to work," Inu-Yasha rubbed his hands together in anticipation.

They walked to the receptionist, who stopped filing her nails long enough to glance up at them and say, "Hello Inu-Yasha. Is that yours?" She pointed a perfect nail at none other than Link, who was tied to a chair. "We had to tie him down to stop him from bouncing off the walls."

"Yeah, nasty habit of his," Yoko spoke up while snickering.

"Yeah, he's ours, sadly." Inu-Yasha untied Link, but before he could get away, started strangling him. "OK, ready to start our job now. Whaddya have for us?" He released Link, who gasped for breath.

"Well, we have you all working in the massage room."

"Yes!" Everyone high-fived each other.

"Wait a minute," Yoko interrupted, "shouldn't you be unhappy Kenshin?"

"No, Inu-Yasha told me that I could beat him into dog food if Kaoru finds me here. And so I won't feel guilty, I'll picture everyone as being Kaoru."

"Yadda yadda, can we go now?" Link whined.

"Oh, just so you know," the receptionist spoke up, "the ladies might be a bit uncomfortable because you're new."

"Not when I rip off my shirt most manly-like, they won't!" He ripped off his shirt, causing the other 3 guys to cover their eyes in fear.

Yoko dared to peek through his fingers, then exclaimed, "Oh my god he has pants!"

Kenshin whipped opened his eyes and said, "I always thought it was a dress!"

Inu-Yasha opened his eyes and said, "Ooo, let's count them abs!"

They all crouched down, then immediately stood up. "Wow, he has like, a 16-pack." Kenshin said sarcastically.

A metaphorical (we hope) light bulb went off in Yoko's head, and he smirked. "Hey Kenshin, remember how you said you'd picture everyone as being Kaoru?"

"Oh yeah!" The gullible samurai pictured Kaoru's face on Link's, then promptly tackled the defenseless, and shirtless, Link.

"You gay ass! Get off of me!" He grabbed Kenshin's cheeks and started to stretch them out, and Kenshin did the same to Link.

While Yoko rolled on the ground, laughing, Inu-Yasha said, "Come on! Break it up! We have a job to do! And Link, for God's sake put your shirt back on."

The 4 eventually made their way to the massaging room, and pushed open the door. Their eyes widened in fear as they saw Megumi, Saria, Kita, and Kikyo, the 4 girls who wanted the boys to dump their girls so they could have them. They turned around and started to walk back the way they came.

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**Will they make it out in time? Will their girls find them? All this and more will be answered in the next chapter of...The Tanning Salon! Even though there's no tanning involved at all...well, please review!**


	3. Men Aren't Very Loyal

**Hi everyone, and thanks to kenji'sgirl and ametomoe that reviewed! Made my day, you did. OK, here's chapter 3!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Rurouni Kenshin, The Legend of Zelda, Yu Yu Hakusho, or Inu-Yasha. I know I'm not very inventive with these...

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Chapter 3: _Men Aren't Very Loyal..._

Kenshin, Yoko, Link, and Inu-Yasha stared in horror at Megumi, Kita, Saria, and Kikyo, turned around, and quickly walked toward the exit. Unfortunately for them, the girls weren't about to let their favorite guys get away without a little attention. Soon, all the men were in a head lock, being led back into the room, except for Link, who was being chased by Saria.

"I'm gonna get you! I'm gonna get you!" Saria taunted.

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaah! Noooooo! Never!" Link screamed as he ran in circles around the room.

"You're such a freak, but I still love you!" She cornered him, then tackled him. "Ha! I win! Now you have to massage me!"

"I hope Zelda doesn't find me, or I'll be Malon's next meal!" Link lamented while being dragged away.

"Sir Ken! It's been soooo long since I've seen you! Now get started!" Megumi ordered.

"I'm a married man, I'm a married man," Kenshin chanted nervously.

"Yoko! You came to massage me on my birthday! **Didn't you!**" Kita said menacingly.

"Um, uh, uh, yeah, sure, just don't hurt me!" Yoko pleaded.

"Hey Inu-Yasha, guess what? I'm alive!" Kikyo proclaimed.

"No, really?" Inu-Yasha said sarcastically.

"Yes, silly, I'm alive," Kikyo said obliviously. "And what a wonderful thing you're doing, massaging me on my first day back with the living."

"Well, actually..."

"**Isn't it?**" Kikyo had spent a tad to much time with Kita.

"Yes ma'am it is!" Inu-Yasha said in fear.

"Oh yeah! Forget Zelda! It's you and me, Saria!" Link declared while massaging Saria.

"That, Zelda, is payback for stealing him," Saria smirked.

"I'm still a married man, I'm still a married man," Kenshin was quickly losing his mind.

"Come on Sir Ken, but your back into it. I know, I'll pay you more if you put some effort into it." Megumi tempted.

After a moment's deliberation, Kenshin decided he'd work harder, but most definitely not enjoy it, that he wouldn't. So on to Inu-Yasha and Kikyo.

"Hey! Get outta here!" Inu-Yasha yelled.

Whoops. Didn't mean to...interrupt.

Link, Kenshin, and Yoko burst into laughter, then began chanting, "Inu-Yasha's gonna have a kid, Inu-Yasha's gonna have a kid!"

"You shut up Yoko!" Kita yelled jealously. "You're too busy with Koto to even think of doing that with me!"

"Smarter than she looks."

"That's it! YAAAH!" She pounced on Yoko, and began to strangle him.

"Must...do...something...fast...ouch." In a desperate move to prevent his windpipe from being crushed, he pulled Kita toward him and kissed her. Everyone stopped in their insanity long enough to stare in silence, then duck and cover when he pushed her off and said, "OK, get off now."

Sure enough, Kita went up in flames and screamed, "THAT'S IT!" She pounced on him again, and beat his head into the ground at every word. "STOP, TOYING, WITH, ME!"

Amidst all of the confusion, Koto walked in. "Hey Ke-HOLY COW! WHAT'S GOING ON HERE! KITA, GET OFF MY BOYFRIEND!"

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**Dun dun DUN! Tune into The Tanning Salon next time for the final episode, and please review with anything you think could be better! If you like this one, please read my other stories, much of the same humor. Thanks!**


	4. A Quick Yet Psychotic End to it All

**Yay! I'm back! Sorry, school and homework prevented me from updating. Don't hurt me! Anyway, here's the last chapter of this story, very short, but hey, it's gone on for too long anyway for what little plot there was. Thanks to Seriya Malfoy for reviewing!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own...all the stuff referenced to in here. Which is a lot. Yes I'm lazy. Do you need to ask?

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_Chapter 4: A Quick Yet Psychotic End To It All_

Where we last left off, Koto walked in on Kita brutally pounding Yoko's head into the ground. "Hey Ke-HOLY COW! WHAT'S GOING ON HERE! KITA, GET OFF MY BOYFRIEND!" She started to pull Kita off Yoko as Kagome walked in.

"Hey Kensh-Kikyo! What are you doing to Inu-Yasha!"

"Well, technically, it's what he's doing to me, but honestly woman, what does it look like?"

"Grr..." Kagome pounced on Kikyo and they began to fight.

Zelda walked in, said, "Hey Link," and kept walking.

"Hey Zel-" Link paled. "Oh crap. We're all doomed."

"Hey Kenshin. Don't you wonder why Kaoru isn't here?"

Kenshin's oro eyes came up. "Well, I figured the author would continue being incredibly creative and have her walk in after you started fighting with Saria, but I guess I was wrong. Where is she?"

"She's in labor."

Everyone pauses in mid-punch/slap/kick/verbal abuse to yell, "LABOR!"

Link and Yoko linked arms and danced around in a circle, singing, "He has a son, he has a son!"

So, the soon-to-be-father ran to Kaoru, who was currently planning his death while struggling to have a baby, while everyone tried to stop the senseless slaughter in the tanning salon. Needless to say, the guys were fired.

THE END

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**Wow. That was a page long. And here I've read chapters that have been 33 pages. Ah well. But yay! It's over! It took months to write that, but considering we wrote it during our half hour lunches, it would've been faster. But hey, I hoped you enjoyed it, my friends and I sure did! Bye!**


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